After going through a divorce, it’s easy to envy young people who haven’t had much heartache. Maybe you think it would be easier to meet your soul mate with fewer heartbreaks and disappointments.
The truth is, the experience you bring to dating after going through a divorce can help you meet your soul mate and achieve lasting love.
I hope you have learned from your marriage and divorce and are ready to do things differently when it comes to love. You’re no longer naive about life and love, and you can choose more wisely and be more insightful throughout the dating process — even when it’s scary or intimidating to imagine dating again.
The secret to meeting your soul mate after a divorce is to use the end of your marriage as a powerful tool for learning and discovery.
Just because you didn’t make it the first time doesn’t mean you can’t find love the next time around.
Here are 8 reasons why dating after divorce helps you meet your soul mate.
1. Your expectations are realistic.
No one gets married thinking it won’t last. Your hope for what could be turned out not to be. You came out the other side and had a failed love. It can be a great motivation to do things differently this time.
When you were once married, you released the fantasy that love will work like magic without any effort. You figure out that your partner doesn’t have mind-reading powers – and meeting your soul mate won’t change that.
This is a golden opportunity to use the lessons you’ve learned to help you select an ideal partner – a soul mate. Your soul mate is the person who receives you, chooses you, and is ready to face life’s challenges with you because you both know that you are better together than apart.
Realistic expectations are the gateway to appearing as your authentic self. Now that you’re no longer clinging to a love fantasy, you’re in a perfect position to approach love and dating differently this time around.
This is a great opportunity to improve your dating strategies.
2. You are making a fresh start.
Going through a divorce is tough, but now that you’re ready to date, you have a fresh start. This means you don’t have to put up with bullshit.
You can set the rules for how you want to approach love, and no one else can tell you what’s important to you. You can start dating with a purpose and it will serve you well on your way to meeting your soul mate.
When you let your freak flag fly, your soul mate can find you.
Love requires risk and when you are on the other side of a divorce and looking for lasting love, you can more easily risk and share your dreams and desires from the start.
Those who aren’t interested in the real, authentic things you do will run away, leaving only those who are truly interested in a relationship with you.
3. You are more resilient.
Overcoming difficulties helps you become stronger. Resistance creates resilience. The fact that you are interested in meeting your soul mate after divorce means that you have cultivated resilience in your heart.
Emotional strength and resilience come from facing difficult experiences and overcoming them. By facing the difficult problems in your life, you have developed courage and strength.
Life will always have challenges and divorce is one of the biggest relationship challenges you will go through. The inner strength you have cultivated will give you the stamina to keep going.
Meeting your soul mate after your divorce comes from developing the resilience you need to keep hope alive and continue dating and moving towards greater contentment.
4. You are clear about what you don’t want.
Most people are not motivated to create more joy in their lives. Instead, they are motivated to avoid emotional pain. After the divorce, you can use this to your advantage to meet your soul mate.
Through your divorce, you’ve become crystal clear about the type of relationship you don’t want. Use this clarity to quickly move on when it’s obvious someone isn’t a good fit for you.
Instead of wasting time seeing if someone will change into the person you want, you’ve learned that people show you who they really are. This allows you to easily spot someone who doesn’t fit.
5. You can take responsibility for yourself.
A healthy marriage requires mutual participation. The hard part is not getting stuck in either blame or guilt.
Pointing fingers at blame or taking on too much responsibility will only keep you stuck in the past and dwelling on what was.
You are not 100% responsible for the end of your marriage. However, you are 100% responsible for your other half.
Read this again, because most of our clients take too much responsibility on themselves. Doing this will never allow you to create the lasting love you desire.
Draw a clear boundary as to what your responsibility is and what is not. Keep your side of the street clean by taking ownership of your behavior. Stay on your side of the street by not blaming yourself for your ex’s behavior.
That way, you can focus on what you did or didn’t do to make the marriage work and have a strategy for doing things differently next time.
6. You are ready to improve your dating skills.
Dating hasn’t changed much over time, but the tools used to meet people are constantly evolving. It can feel daunting and a bit overwhelming to sort through the latest tech options.
Online dating, dating apps, and other technologies are just tools for meeting people.
You can try to avoid apps and hope you stumble upon the love of your life at Starbucks. Or you can invest some time to educate yourself on the proper use of these new tools.
Plus, the dating strategies you used to meet your ex won’t work if you want to meet your soul mate.
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There’s no point going out as a teenager.
Rather than expecting to meet your soul mate by accident, plan to update your dating strategies before you even date.
Then, through a systematic and sensible dating process, you can discover new things about yourself and practice new communication skills. Just like learning something new – it all takes practice, practice, practice. The dating arena offers you many opportunities.
7. You can create a new vision of love.
You know you don’t want to repeat your mistakes, but do you know what would really bring joy to your life? Your ideal relationship is not the opposite of what you don’t want.
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Focus on creating a vision for your soulmate relationship that excites you and motivates you to start dating again. Be clear about the dynamic you desire between the two of you.
Don’t dwell on unimportant details like height or hobbies. Your heart doesn’t care what the color of someone’s eyes is or whether they like the same movies you do.
The important thing is to focus on what you enjoy. When you share the same values as your partner, you have the ability to overcome any challenge.
To move past your divorce and meet your soul mate, you need to have a clear vision of the relationship you desire and know if you can handle conflict to create a deeper connection.
8. You are ready to risk your heart again
Love doesn’t come with guarantees. None of these steps will prevent you from being hurt again. But they’ll give you the tools to keep moving toward healthier, more loving relationships along the way.
Cynicism and fear are your enemies in matters of love. They keep your heart closed and prevent anyone from connecting with you. Don’t let fear keep you from opening your heart and risking love.
The biggest risk you can take is hoping to meet your soul mate. Hope is the door that opens your heart to love again.
You are not supposed to spend your life alone. Your soul yearns for connection with a special someone. You can certainly be single and happy, but if you really want to thrive in life, you’ll want to share your life with the love of your life.
With a little effort, you can overcome your past heartbreaks and develop new relationship skills.
When you tap into your past disappointments to uncover the gold that lies within, you may find that your separation from your ex was the greatest benefit you could have received for meeting your soul mate.
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Orna and Matthew Walters are soul mate coaches who served as guest experts on Bravo’s “The Millionaire Matchmaker.” They are the authors of the free e-book, “7 Steps To Soulmating”, which can be found on their website.
This article originally appeared on https://www.creatingloveonpurpose.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.